I nearly lost my cookies when Matt Lauer had on his show the author of the book “The Woman’s Book of Divorce: 101 Ways to Make Him suffer Forever and Ever”. This book encourages divorce parties — full-blown, hula skirt and drinking with the girls — parties. To his credit, Mr. Lauer asked the author a decent question if divorce shouldn’t be taken more seriously? The author responded that “divorce is a fact of life.” Instead of answering the merits of the question, the author dodged the issue. Cancer is a fact of life too, but it’s not a reason to party.
After this exchange, just days later I see in our local paper that Kathryn Lopez, with the National Review Online, had an opinion piece titled, “Divorce: No party for children” (Owatonna People’s Press, Saturday, October 29, 2005). In the article were the following facts drawn from Elizebeth Marquardt’s “Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce” (Crown):
“Children of divorce,…have a level of discomfort that kids with married mom and dad just don’t have. Sixty-nine percent of children in two-parent families reported going to one or both of their parents for comfort, while only 33 percent of children sought help while living in a divorced family.
That makes for a lot of uncomforted children. And:
Children of divorce are also less likely to feel protected by their parents, feel less safe at home, and are less likely to attend religious services.”
In the article and book just mentioned, most divorces occur for not very good reasons, which Marquardt calls “low-conflict marriages.” And often the reason is something that can only be called boredom. People are divorcing because they are bored with their spouse, with their house, their car, their job, their life. People don’t like to admit that they make such monumental decisions for such selfish reasons, but it is true. We can be very selfish and very sinful when we don’t have God in our lives. People are going to divorce no matter what the consequences are to children and many times, for no better reason than being bored.
When I see the hurt and turmoil which divorce creates, I think about something in the book of Malachi, where God says, “I hate divorce.” In an article I wrote a few years back, titled (WHY DOES GOD HATE DIVORCE?), I showed that children of divorce encounter many problems that last into adulthood. An added danger to children of divorce is live-in boyfriends. A recent study (November 2005) says that children are 48 times more likely to be harmed by a live-in boyfriend than when they live with both biological parents. God hates divorce and so should we all. Divorce represents failure and should not be celebrated.
Myths about children and divorce.